I will share with you something I learned in therapy. In the first session its was necessary for me to be completely honest and to reveal in detail my fantasy/fetish, which I did, even showing many images that I created. I noticed that the therapist seamed unfazed, not showing even the slightest reaction. Later in the session I questioned his lack of any reaction to the images. He said...Oh I've seen this before...many times...its nothing new and as a fetish its rather minor...I could tell you of some peoples fetishes that are really gross. I said no thank you.
In a later session I was asked if I had experienced any deja vu, or the sense that I had past life experiences. I said I had, numerous times. He wanted to know more about them. So I revealed them to him. He listened quietly until I came to one experience that he sharply reacted to. This is a past like experience where I see myself in ancient times as having been a General leading a huge army...it is not clear whether it is Greek or Roman. but apparently I had made a terrible mistake in conducting a battle that cost the lives of over 30 thousand soldiers.
The therapist saw this as an important. He said it was possible that I was creating these image as a way to undo the guilt for my mistake. As a sort of penance. This is plausible to me because in my mind the images of the men I have created are not suffering pain and agony..no...they are feeling a minor amount of pain, but instead what they are feeling is a huge and overwhelming amount of intense erotic sexual pleasure that is consuming them...something they have never experienced before and this is what they feel as they exit life. In pleasure not pain.
This may also explain why I have created thousands of these images...and still do.
In a later session I was asked if I had experienced any deja vu, or the sense that I had past life experiences. I said I had, numerous times. He wanted to know more about them. So I revealed them to him. He listened quietly until I came to one experience that he sharply reacted to. This is a past like experience where I see myself in ancient times as having been a General leading a huge army...it is not clear whether it is Greek or Roman. but apparently I had made a terrible mistake in conducting a battle that cost the lives of over 30 thousand soldiers.
The therapist saw this as an important. He said it was possible that I was creating these image as a way to undo the guilt for my mistake. As a sort of penance. This is plausible to me because in my mind the images of the men I have created are not suffering pain and agony..no...they are feeling a minor amount of pain, but instead what they are feeling is a huge and overwhelming amount of intense erotic sexual pleasure that is consuming them...something they have never experienced before and this is what they feel as they exit life. In pleasure not pain.
This may also explain why I have created thousands of these images...and still do.